here and now

In my previous rock wall post when I wrote about asking myself 'how did I get here', there truly was an element of wonder. Learning to climb that wall was something I did in the scope of my job/where I currently spend forty hours a week. I find myself working in a setting where sometimes I feel so far out of my element, yet other times I feel completely at home in this place where some of the harsh realities of our society are seen and dealt with.

I appreciate the lessons available when the lines between
work and play,
work and healing,
witnessing and speaking,
being and doing,
learning and leading,
are blurred...

Through her world of writing poetry, I was invited into the world of a teenager who experiences much emotional pain. It was at once an honor, humbling, eye-opening, sad, and hopeful. A powerful glimpse.

A woman next to me in a group spoke in one breath about the joys of growing up on a farm, and in the next breath with the same matter-of-fact tone about how there are only 4 siblings left out of the 6 now; 2 suicides.

As I stood in the doorway as instructed, observing an interaction on one of my first days, I was glad when the child assertively spoke to his boundaries being invaded, because he exposed my feeling of awkwardness that I was there without him knowing who I was or why I was there. When things are not right in our environment, it is the healthy response to speak to it. In an instant, he showed me that he was much less conditioned to hold back in this way than I was.

I became frazzled and distracted by the teenage girls who wouldn't stop talking when I was trying to facilitate the group. After my activity was done I found I was just going through the motions for a while because I was lost in the distraction/downward spiral of similar old feelings this stirred up. Eckhart Tolle refers to this as being stuck in a pain-body. They are just about us and are not based in the present reality.

"It's your world, kiddo, I'm just livin' in it."

My practice is to keep coming back to the wisdom of the way of the horse...
when a situation/stressor is past, they let go of what just happened and 'go back to grazing' so as to save their strength and energy for when they really need it, for survival. Letting go of the emotion and hanging onto the lesson.


So begins another week. I bring with me the reminder that though life is much larger than what we are currently experiencing, it's good to be experiencing it, warts and all.

"Since all things are naked, clear
and free from obscurations, there
is nothing to attain or realise.
The everyday practice is simply to
develop a complete acceptance and
openness to all situations and emotions.
And to all people ~ experiencing
everything totally without reservations
and blockages so that one never
withdraws or centralises onto oneself."
~ excerpted from a Maha Ati text translated by Chögyam Trungpa Rinpoche

And so it is!