whereabouts unknown

what.do.you.want?

when some people are asked this question,
they are able to form a list with the greatest of ease.

i am not one of those people.
(unless it's in the context of ordering lunch, in which case, I know all too well what I want and how I want it! I'm one of 'those people' who often alters or substitutes {surprised?}, which of course is not what I am
talking about here.
think 'cloudy-er',
what-do-you-want-out-of-your-life'ier)

but i am becoming quite fond of

sitting with this question.

because it always leads me to the
warmer, *juicy-er* underbelly...

Our minds tend to lead us to believe that what we think/believe/feel we want is paramount, but in my experience, regularly asking the question with freshness is the container in which to listen for the essence, the underlying current, of what is actually going on in reality. Giving some space for the what's to breathe and stretch out... and taking a look at *that*

or simply being with that new shape

is what brings a clarity to the totality of it,
as it relates to your life,
allowing the natural response to its sister question
'what are you / do you want to be doing?' to arise.

There's also this idea Alan Watts presents in Cloud Hidden:

"We do not know what we want because we are only so dimly aware of

anything wantable.

We have taught ourselves to pursue such abstract and weakly perceived goals as happiness, love, goodness, service to others, fun, fame, fortune, power, peace, or God – but we have

more words than experience

for what we mean."

 

He goes on to list many things,

beautifully wantable...

"I want to spend time sitting still,

or walking slowly,

wondering at and feeling the basic sense of existence,

of being alive-dead,

of watching my breath,

of hearing all sounds in the air,

and of letting clouds and stars caress my eyes.

I want to let go of anxiety and turn it into laughter, and realize absolutely that

life and death

are two sides of the same coin.

I want a companion who will, alternatively, melt into me and wrestle with me, obey me and object to me, admire me and then suddenly show that they can do so many things much better than I.
I want to sit at a typewriter, at certain times,
carefully and meticulously
putting into words what I feel-

the challenge being that it cannot really be put into words at all.

I want to be able to allay pain and sickness with the touch of my hands.
I want to make a fire of charcoal and burn cedar leaves or sandalwood, late in the evening, while listening or dancing to classical or rock music.

I want to see the reflection of light in glass and crystal, and lying on the ground, to look up at trees patterning a vivid blue sky. At night to go to sleep beneath them, and to wake just before dawn when the stars can still be seen through their branches.

….. earthy as it may be, this is a glimpse of my idea of heaven."

beautifully wantable because they are not things,

but rather experiences.

aaah, I completely connect with that...

I'd love to hear what *your* experience has been with that question.
What touches you as the heart of the matter?

♥