possibility

Needs

2012-02-12T16:31:00.002-04:00

Of all the nutrients we need,

Vitamin L

is by far the

most essential.

Suggested dosages:

Minimum of 4 hugs daily to prevent deficiency,

6 a day for maintenance,

10 or more for optimal growth.

Hugging makes us feel good,

which naturally releases Oxytocin hormone.

This often leads to a higher prevalence of

thoughts and acts of kindness

toward ourselves and others,

which increases serotonin levels

not only in the direct recipient of the kindness,

but also in the initiator

(this is the really a.maz.ing part)

AS WELL AS in anyone witnessing the kindness.

Deficiency of Vitamin L is known to cause

many more problems than overdoses.

A creative way Juan Mann found to supplement:

♥ to ♥

Never Eat Soggy Waffles

2012-01-23T15:30:00.021-04:00

north
east
south
west

this cute little acronym speaks to me
in a directional and a food-related sense today...

I have heeded a tenacious call to study

holistic nutrition.

how not only the what, but

how.when.why.where, etc.

we nourish ourselves with
affects us overall
in body, spirit, mind, and
creativity.

the hitch in my giddyup has been simply coming to terms with the unknown nature of what to 'do' with such information once I invest in obtaining it; yet this is the next step in the natural progression of my journey toward healthifying my own relationship with how I

nourish my self on all levels.

i am and will allways be my first and a lifelong client.
food is a passion. and my connection to all things in nature, including my fellow human beings.
now I feel the time is showing itself to enter the marketplace, so to speak.
with open hands.
and a play-in-progress 'tude.

direct the mind, drive the hind...

drive the hind, and the mind will follow...

yee-haw!


(isn't she lovely? a dear friend sent this to me recently, it's an 8x10 that will soon be framed and displayed on the wall.)

Are you curious about exploring the role nutrition plays in your own life and health? Find the food industry a bit overwhelming and want some help sifting through the information to make well-informed, conscious choices? Do you deal with a particular condition or dis-ease that you would like to treat holistically, or in a way that works with a western medicine approach? Do you simply have the sense that you could be feeling better than you do, or that you could use some support in obtaining a greater state of vitality through individualized diet/lifestyle/cleansing suggestions?

I will be seeking people for case studies.
Would you like to be a volunteer client?

Through opening up about your health (your personal identity shared only as initials or a substitute name), I am excited to see what we can learn together, and hopefully you will walk away with a new lease on life.
Or at the very least the inspiration to whip up some hearty un-soggy waffles.

♥

Let medicine be thy food,

and food be thy medicine.

~Hippocrates

Music is a lady that I still love because she gives me the air that I breathe. We need all sorts of nourishment. And music satisfies and nourishes the hunger within ourselves for connection and harmony.
~Cat Stevens

Sometimes you struggle so hard to feed your family one way, you forget to feed them the other way, with spiritual nourishment. Everybody needs that.
~James Brown

oh twelve

2012-01-10T12:53:00.000-04:00

budding flower

It's so clear that you have to cherish everyone.

I think that's what I get from these older black women,

that every soul is to be cherished,

that every flower Is to bloom.
~Alice Walker

sand... close up

Be master of your petty annoyances

and conserve your energies

for the big, worthwhile things.

It isn't the mountain ahead that wears you out,

it's the grain of sand in your shoe.
~Robert Service

♥

hai.

2011-12-27T08:01:00.002-04:00

Lost

Stand still.
The trees ahead and bushes beside you
Are not lost.
Wherever you are is called Here,
And you must treat it as a powerful stranger,
Must ask permission to know it and be known.
The forest breathes.
Listen.
It answers,
I have made this place around you.
If you leave it, you may come back again, saying Here.
No two trees are the same to Raven.
No two branches are the same to Wren.
If what a tree or a bush does is lost on you,
You are surely lost.
Stand still.
The forest knows
Where you are.
You must let it find you.

This poem is David Wagoner's rendering into modern English the answer a Northwest Native American elder would give to a young girl or boy who asked the question,

"What do I do when I am lost in the forest?"

David Whyte relates further... "In other words,

'What do I do when I've lost my creative fire?'

which is really

'What do l do when I forget who I am?'

At the very core of creativity there seems to be an admonition that says,

'Your own way is essential.'

This is true even in a traditional master-student relationship. The word 'expert' seems to be like a fog in which we lose ourselves. We feel our lack before we have done the essential work of

touching our own inner longing.

Creativity has much more to do with giving ourselves over to our deepest longings than it does with giving ourselves over to any kind of strategy.
The great poetic and mythic traditions say that creativity has to do with unburdening, with giving yourself a break, with letting fresh air in through the windows, with allowing yourself to be

lost...

profoundly lost,

deeply lost.

This cannot be taught, it must be lived.

In the beginning,
along with the joy of possibility,
you also have to enter this deep well of grief
connected to what you have missed by
refusing to open in the past."

The Well of Grief
Those who will not slip beneath
the still surface on the well of grief
turning downward through its black water
to the place we cannot breathe
will never know the source
from which we drink
the secret water, cold and clear,
nor find in the darkness glimmering
the small round coins
thrown by those who wished for
something else.
~David Whyte

hai.

(yes)

(b)is-ness

2011-11-26T15:56:00.006-04:00

I am grateful
for the *spark*
to revisit the inspiration
for this blog,
the dream for us all to
live in possibility
oh, how poetically,
swiftly,
a person
who made himself available
is guided
to the wellspring of wonder
tapping into his own potential
through playing his instrument
riding the wave of

one-buttock playing (!)

his music became the instrument
that touched souls,
lifted spirits,
and connected us to one another.
becoming fascinated
along the way
by mis-takes
in the garden of
discovery,

the ultimate glory

of these gifts

goes to the

higher source of power

which is so much

grander and vast

than our own concept of

their potential.

hallelujah.

passing through

In this place of tremendous insecurity

I raise my arms in the air and say

'how fascinating!'

for this blessed awakening

shines a light in the direction of the only security there actually is in my view,

groundlessness.
change.

living in a space beyond hope

and beyond fear,

in the present moment.

this insecurity keeps

my heart open.

practicing

seeing

with a fresh view,

my spirit has been moved

higher,

lower,

and wider.

who knew that it was possible to

lift lower!

for me this idea of lifting lower translates

within the rich duality of ones'

evolving comprehension of darkness

and spiritual mysteries,

intertwining the nature of those two notions

creates a

space between

where the

softness of loving and acceptance

and pure clarity

resides.

a space that simply

is.

a space that is the ground

made fertile by

cultivating into it

our manure of experience,

individually and collectively...

haven't yet arrived

but not just starting...

♥

perky

2011-11-12T12:57:00.124-04:00

percolation:
seeping through an opening.

does the coffee bean have something to teach us about responding expansively to adversity?

unlike a carrot that starts out strong but then wilts
or an egg that starts out soft
then becomes hardened on the inside,
when heated in boiling water,

ground coffee beans become something

useful, tasty, even beautiful...

Into the fire of Life's mysteries I dance

With the book of my heart wide open

I may find love

I may find pain

But only an open book can be written in

And I have stories to tell

~ 'Flamenco' by Kim McElroy

...the family of things

2011-11-10T16:24:00.001-04:00

parable

rooted in the profound yet simple experience

of loving and living

feeling and being

trying and reaching, and resting

listen

for the natural rhythm

of existence

breathing in

breathing out

gently merging

with the breath,

being breathed,

aaah, pure bliss

a dance

with your greatest gift

Wild Geese

You do not have to be good.
You do not have to walk on your knees
for a hundred miles through the desert repenting.
You only have to let the soft animal of your body
love what it loves.
Tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell you mine.
Meanwhile the world goes on.
Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain
are moving across the landscapes,
over the prairies and the deep trees,
the mountains and the rivers.
Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air,
are heading home again.
Whoever you are, no matter how lonely,
the world offers itself to your imagination,
calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting
over and over announcing your place
in the family of things.

from Dream Work by Mary Oliver

further

2011-10-20T16:47:00.008-03:00

In my previous post when I quoted Alan Watts saying that he wanted to

realize absolutely that

life and death are two sides of the same coin,

it struck a deep chord in me.

A 'radical acceptance of death'
can be a learned approach
to life,
as can clouding ones' perspective
with fear and ignorance.

At the time of my grandfather's death when I was eleven, innately I had no fear of what was occurring. Somehow I was very in touch with the
natural process of him passing,
including the months leading up to that afternoon,
after we had gotten the morning call
that the time was near.
yet at the end, I was excluded.
sent to sit in the waiting room by myself.

We all do the best we can,
and nurses do their jobs.
they (nor did I then) did not know how deeply I was
feeling this loss.
those weren't just tears
because he was gone.
I also lost part of my voice.
and I was cheated out of experiencing

that part of the grieving process

in the moment.

Untouched grief lies dormant,
and when it rises up
beckoning and then
demanding to be
seen and felt at last,
it is an opportunity for healing and forgiveness,
and reclaiming wholeness...

Back to realizing how life and death being
two sides of the same coin
is vitally important in learning to embrace life,
and to live in possibility.

Aha!

Both are equally juicy, complex topics!

They are only as 'out there'
as we choose to keep them...

further 'food' for thought...

Though we live in a largely hands-off culture, especially when it comes to the actual process of dying, it is completely within our rights to organize our own

home funeral:

A noncommercial, family centered response to death that involves the family and its social community in the care and preparation of the body for burial or cremation, and/or in planning and carrying out related rituals or ceremonies, and/or in the burial or cremation itself.

There are also people
offering compassionate support

for the final transition process.

“I request that my body in death be buried, not cremated, so that the energy content contained within it gets returned to the earth so that flora and fauna can dine upon it just as I have dined upon flora and fauna throughout my life.” —Neil deGrasse Tyson

Since our bodies have many toxins in them,
not to mention the added pollutants like formaldehyde and embalming agents in traditional preservation,

this woman presenting her mushroom burial suit
takes the green burial a step further,

which for me is quite possibly an ultimate way of

leaving the world better than I found it...

♥

whereabouts unknown

2011-10-18T23:10:00.003-03:00

what.do.you.want?

when some people are asked this question,
they are able to form a list with the greatest of ease.

i am not one of those people.
(unless it's in the context of ordering lunch, in which case, I know all too well what I want and how I want it! I'm one of 'those people' who often alters or substitutes {surprised?}, which of course is not what I am
talking about here.
think 'cloudy-er',
what-do-you-want-out-of-your-life'ier)

but i am becoming quite fond of

sitting with this question.

because it always leads me to the
warmer, *juicy-er* underbelly...

Our minds tend to lead us to believe that what we think/believe/feel we want is paramount, but in my experience, regularly asking the question with freshness is the container in which to listen for the essence, the underlying current, of what is actually going on in reality. Giving some space for the what's to breathe and stretch out... and taking a look at *that*

or simply being with that new shape

is what brings a clarity to the totality of it,
as it relates to your life,
allowing the natural response to its sister question
'what are you / do you want to be doing?' to arise.

There's also this idea Alan Watts presents in Cloud Hidden:

"We do not know what we want because we are only so dimly aware of

anything wantable.

We have taught ourselves to pursue such abstract and weakly perceived goals as happiness, love, goodness, service to others, fun, fame, fortune, power, peace, or God – but we have

more words than experience

for what we mean."

He goes on to list many things,

beautifully wantable...

"I want to spend time sitting still,

or walking slowly,

wondering at and feeling the basic sense of existence,

of being alive-dead,

of watching my breath,

of hearing all sounds in the air,

and of letting clouds and stars caress my eyes.

I want to let go of anxiety and turn it into laughter, and realize absolutely that

life and death

are two sides of the same coin.

I want a companion who will, alternatively, melt into me and wrestle with me, obey me and object to me, admire me and then suddenly show that they can do so many things much better than I.
I want to sit at a typewriter, at certain times,
carefully and meticulously
putting into words what I feel-

the challenge being that it cannot really be put into words at all.

I want to be able to allay pain and sickness with the touch of my hands.
I want to make a fire of charcoal and burn cedar leaves or sandalwood, late in the evening, while listening or dancing to classical or rock music.

I want to see the reflection of light in glass and crystal, and lying on the ground, to look up at trees patterning a vivid blue sky. At night to go to sleep beneath them, and to wake just before dawn when the stars can still be seen through their branches.

….. earthy as it may be, this is a glimpse of my idea of heaven."

beautifully wantable because they are not things,

but rather experiences.

aaah, I completely connect with that...

I'd love to hear what *your* experience has been with that question.
What touches you as the heart of the matter?

♥

voicing

2011-09-27T15:21:00.003-03:00

'Bach is the greatest of the human composers,

but in my opinion

Mozart is an angel.

And one thing that makes him angelic is that

he knows exactly when to stop.

He knows when to shut up.

And in doing that he gives you

your

own

song'

~poet James Wright

What does it mean to

sing your own song?

Find your voice?

leo babauta's (himself a writer, but I believe the ideas he presents here will help anyone in this quest)
take inspires me
and makes me wonder if anyone intending to
live purposefully
might tap into one's inner confidence
by
experimenting boldly,
learning to hear yourself,
finding what feels true, finding clarity,
removing the 'noise',
and using your voice
not just to express yourself for your own sake,
but to help others
and positively affect our broader community and world.

allow yourself to be touched and lifted by the music...
of your life...
~ ~ ~ ~

speak your truth - even if your voice shakes...

♥

little did

2011-09-23T21:14:00.001-03:00

this one's for you, kid.

they do.
matter.
the little things.
a glimpse from
nineteen ninety-nine:
'I may not understand the why
but I get the need to.'

accepting and assisting,
lovingly lifting.

girly gathering gumption.

going, girlfriend gives guidance

gracefully and good!

gosh... grateful.

♥


from my heart rock cafe to yours. miss you!

haiku II

2011-09-17T18:30:00.000-03:00

merge with nonfiction

existence thrives on wonder

makes space for unfaced

~mh

playful

2011-09-17T16:03:00.002-03:00

freeform haiku

emerge nonfiction

the bliss of discovering

which book will find me

~mh

heightened perspective

2011-09-12T14:40:00.003-03:00

I got invited to go flying!

A glimpse 'from where I was'...

my friend and her pilot friend, who was a most

delightful and generous guide.

The Bay of Fundy at low tide.

Did you know the Bay of Fundy has the highest tides in the world?

Around 50 feet!

As the tides flow in they wind deep into the valley.

Doesn't this look like an inviting place

to go to university?

Amethyst is found on these cliffs.

I felt calm just looking at them.

People can and do hike along here,

mindful of course of the tide schedule.

At high tide only some of the tips will be visible.

can you see the love in the air...

♥

This was my first time experiencing a small plane flight and I am so grateful for the opportunity. I met my new friend at a retreat last month, and we connected instantly when we found out about our common trait of high sensitivity. I have been so appreciating her friendship, and on this particular day was inspired by her direct, unapologetic, yet respectful way of stating a need. People with high sensitivity experience stimuli on a deep level, not generally outwardly apparent to others. I was so excited about this experience, yet felt slightly overwhelmed by all of the new-ness. Not to mention the added challenge of a noisy airplane and wearing headphones with a persnickety microphone. About 10 minutes into the flight, my friend simply said to our pilot (they have known each other for over ten years and he is not a hsp) that although pointing out particular sights is appreciated, she and I are both hsp's and also need to take in some silence while enjoying the sights. After that, there was a nice balance, like the tide, a natural ebb and flow of information and pleasant conversation without the need for 'fillers'.

breathtaking expanse...

other goings-on at the airport that day.

perhaps next time!

she rocks

2011-09-03T06:09:00.000-03:00

and she rolls...

♥

thirty-nine

2011-08-11T23:08:00.000-03:00

I think I'll embrace

turning thirty-nine

in equine fashion

and proclaim that

I am now

"in my fortieth year"

instead of waiting

a whole year to

feel

and allow

the

excitement and

anticipation

of this

milestone

to come

alive

in my being,

embodying

more fully

who I am.

today.

mindful that

life is a garden

not a road

leading somewhere.

somewhere is now.

♥

play-in-progress

2011-07-17T13:33:00.000-03:00

"The moment one gives close attention to anything,

even a blade of grass,

it becomes a mysterious,

awesome,

indescribably magnificent
world in itself."

~Henry Miller

there's more... »

the grace of david whyte...

2011-07-16T20:32:00.001-03:00

SOMETIMES

Sometimes
if you move carefully
through the forest

breathing
like the ones
in the old stories

who could cross
a shimmering bed of dry leaves
without a sound,

you come
to a place
whose only task

is to trouble you
with tiny
but frightening requests

conceived out of nowhere
but in this place
beginning to lead everywhere.

Requests to stop what
you are doing right now,
and

to stop what you
are becoming
while you do it,

questions
that can make
or unmake
a life,

questions
that have patiently
waited for you,

questions
that have no right
to go away.

~ David Whyte ~

(Everything is Waiting for You)

The thought-provoking poet David Whyte considers
what we should be asking ourselves--
especially when we least want to
confront our own answers...

there's more... »

(gr)attitude

2011-06-17T13:58:00.001-03:00

could it be, that...

gratitude

is actually a

sense of

heightened awareness of

our connection

to everything else ?

does Gratitude
*flow more freely*
when we break out of the

small, self-centered point of view

that gratitude arises from a feeling of

indebtedness,

and become aware

and appreciate

that through the
labors and intentions
and even the simple

existence

of an inconceivably large number of

people,

animals,

plants,

weather patterns,

chemical reactions, and other

nuanced occurrences,

we have been given the

miracle

that is our life?

i don't know.

but it seems to me that
there is

truth

in this
incredible

interconnectedness.

and it is my experience that
through active awareness,

gratitude can be

cultivated

into the attitude.

♥

you can't have something...

2011-06-05T14:24:00.005-03:00

without nothing

without

space,

you couldn't have anything

solid

nothing

is what brings

something

into

*focus*

and

nothing is more

fertile

than

*emptiness*

~Alan Watts

And forevermore no discussion

about nothing will be complete without including

Seinfeld,

in my humble opinion,

a brilliant show about...

well, you can't have nothing

without something,

but what a hilarious way to

(en)lighten up about the

human experience of it all...

something and nothing

are inter-connected

as Watts says,

in a marvelous system of

WIGGLES...

so go ahead,

dare to live

*your*

*unique*

shimmy-shake!

♥

'garden splendor'

2011-05-25T21:34:00.008-03:00

Milan ~ a completely self-taught artist

born in Angeles City, Phillipines

"What lifts you into a higher perspective of your overall life, current situations and conditions aside,

and is there any imagery you connect with that

grounds you at the same time?"

in the spirit of living the questions,

for me what lifts and grounds me is

whatever touches

the loving as well as the suffering

in my heart,

awakening,

exciting,

lifting,

and soothing

spirit and soul,

connecting me to my higher power
and all other be-ings.

yoga!

poetry.

art.

humour.

nature,

being among it as well as

imagery like the piece above.

~ ~ ~

Perhaps all the dragons in our lives are only princesses waiting for us to act, just once, with beauty and courage. Perhaps everything that frightens us is, in its deepest essence something that wants our love.

~ Rainer Maria Rilke

there's more... »

hello, little teacher

2011-05-25T15:11:00.006-03:00

As I was waking up with myself and starting my day today, I was sitting at this desk on my computer when I noticed this tiny little worm.

I noticed as s/he/'it' moved along that at times the surface of the desk seemed slippery and it

struggled for traction.

Sometimes the cracks made it turn and

go another way.

Sometimes it would topple over and get back up.

It went over the cracks, down the tiers of the edge of the desk and back up again several times.

What is going on here?

I wondered.

there's more... »

Bobby's Day

2011-05-24T19:15:00.001-03:00

"The song was there before me,

before I came along,

I just came and took it down

with a pencil.

That's how I feel about it."

...

Train Tracks ~ Bob Dylan

Where it all began...

The folks at Zimmy's are big fans and like to have fun...

Happy 70th Bob.

May you stay

forever young...

Watch Amy Goodman's awesome special with rare interviews and songs

HERE.

May Two-Four

2011-05-23T09:52:00.000-03:00

Happy Victoria Day, Canada!

Officially today signifies the Sovereign's birthday, though informally it represents Spring, as historically there is little chance of a frost and gardeners begin to plot out the approaching growing season. Well, most enthusiasts have been plotting long before now, but the dirt is enticing to-day.

In the spirit of the metaphorical

garden of life...


He saw that all the struggles of life were incessant, laborious, painful, that nothing was done quickly, without labor, that it had to undergo a thousand fondlings, revisings, moldings, addings, removings, graftings, tearings, correctings, smoothings, rebuildings, reconsiderings, nailings, tackings, chippings, hammerings, hoistings, connectings — all the poor fumbling uncertain incompletions of human endeavor. They went on forever and were forever incomplete, far from perfect, refined, or smooth, full of terrible memories of failure and fears of failure, yet, in the way of things, somehow noble, complete, and shining in the end. ~*kerouac*, town and country, 1950

Ode to Gibby

2011-05-04T17:42:00.001-03:00

(he was present and joyful with me on my 1st birthday,
and beyond...)

this past month you would

have been 110

though you've been gone

physically

for a long time now

I feel your spirit

daily.

your wisdom and gentleness

live on through your only son,

a gem of a father

and human being.

when I left your side

as you were taking your

last breaths

I pray you knew that

I didn't know that

I didn't have to listen

to the adults who

intended to protect me

by leading me away from witnessing

death.

I knew you were leaving

and I wasn't scared.

I needed to hold your hand.

It is a painful consequence

at any age to not

trust yourself.

I carried a piece from your

rock collection

in my wedding bouquet,

and I carry you in my heart

wherever I roam.

May you continue resting in peace.

gorillas in our midst

2011-04-03T15:13:00.000-03:00

spoiler alert!

If you have not watched the short video from my previous post, do that first before reading on.

If you are as fascinated as I am about totally missing the gorilla (or if you did see it, how about the one player leaving, or the background colors changing?), they call it

Inattentional Blindness:

When we're not paying attention to something,

it is as though we are blind to it...

The Illusion of Attention:

The belief in my head that I see and notice much more of what's going on in the world than I actually do.

Where this brought me is to the awareness that I have a choice. If I choose to

soften my gaze,

I can become more

present

with what is happening in my midst.

"We don't live with the way the world is,

we live with the way we receive the world."

-Dr. Douglas Brooks, addressing the quality of your gaze to create more conscious receptivity.

I found this 5-minute video to be a lovely way to relax my entire body through relaxing my eyes...

For more on The Invisible Gorilla, you can watch

this video

from one of the creators of this experiment...

se détendre et être patient

(relax and be patient)

monkey business...

2011-04-01T16:24:00.001-03:00

Watch the video below and count how many times the players in

white shirts

pass the ball...

How did you do?

Any insights about awareness?

responsibili-tea...

2011-02-18T09:34:00.001-04:00

response.ability.

the ability to respond.

☀

As the Great Eastern Sun rises,

meet the day with a child-like spark.

Remember to feel and simply be present

to what is encountered throughout the day.

Then re-member that much of what

we encounter

is our own neuroses.

And laugh.

Work to become more aware of what blocks

the ability to be present and curious

so that the channel

to responses

of joy and enthusiasm remains

open...

But re-member there is no need to

take it all

so seriously...

☀

Driving in an unfamiliar area with my love yesterday
I gave up my ability to respond with
curiosity and enthusiasm for this
new and exciting experience
to my unconscious 'responsibility'
as the co-pilot who knows
where to go
and the need to be right.

Apologize for unnecessary gruffness.

Then like the setting sun,
let the day go.

As with the breath
and each new dawn,
practice it all some more.
Have some fun.
...and savor the moments of
la joie de vivre!

a fine mesh...

2011-01-11T20:01:00.000-04:00

The key

to sprouting yummy seeds at home.

It's super easy...

They're like a garden in a jar,

in the middle of winter.

Watching them grow is fun for the

whole family!

good drainage doesn't have to be fancy...

after just a few days, voilà!

(this is the sandwich booster blend)

a short, helpful little tutorial

from Mumm's...

my seed source of choice.

Give it a try!

And if you are a sprouter,

do tell...

what are your fave(s)?

the S word

2011-01-10T15:32:00.001-04:00

Most of us have seen it,

smelled it,

maybe tasted it,

played with it,

prayed for it,

even sat in it.

But did you ever make a corsage out of it to wear to your school prom?

The Inuit have dozens of names to capture the many nuances of...

Snow!

Call those soft, full flakes floating down

wings of white butterflies,
Call it piranha when it bites your cheeks,
…or kitten when it sleeps in the

crooks of window.
Call it forgiveness when it lies like balm over an area that's been clear cut,
Call it tickle when you stand, arms outstretched, and catch it on your tongue.
Call snow lace when it lines the

limbs of lilacs,
…or grandmother when it rests in the

porch swing.
Call it prayer in its stillness.
Call it mouse when it squeaks under your boot,
…or trickster if it appears on April 1st.

And,

In the evening when snow delivers you to the comfort of hearthfire,

call it friend.

(adapted from Judi K Beach's 'names for snow')

trinkyi         first snow of the year

tlapat          still snow

don't just do something...

2011-01-01T15:50:00.003-04:00

...sit there.

Do you have the patience to wait til your mud settles and the water is clear?
Can you remain unmoving til right action arises by itself?
~ Lao-Tzu

The silence we value is not the mere outward silence of the lips. It is a deep quietness of heart and mind, a laying aside of the preoccupation with passing things -- yes, even with the workings of our own minds; a resolute fixing of the heart upon that which is
unchangeable and eternal.
- Caroline Stephen

Be in the truth of each moment - all that you are sensing in the body, thinking in the mind, feeling with the emotions. Don't suppress it and don't support it.
Be with what is.
- Paul Lowe

If you go into a forest with your mind only, you'll only notice the sounds and the mind will try to interpret them. You might think you're present; but you're not really, you're simply judging what you hear. But if you become aware of the silent dimension underneath the sounds and in between the sounds, then you become present because the moment you become aware of the silence,
you also have become silent.
~ Eckhart Tolle

...and to all a good night

2010-12-24T18:38:00.015-04:00

Finnish nisua with fresh ground cardamom
and Cape Breton pork pies...

If you work to make it true, It's a Wonderful Life
George may not have much money, but he's the richest man in town

I offer this beautiful version of Lucinda Williams' 'Blue' for anyone whom it is not, or anyone wishing to acknowledge that for many among us this is not,
the 'most wonderful time of the year'.

conviction of the heart

2010-11-13T10:18:00.013-04:00

Yogi Bhajan brought Kundalini Yoga (Yoga of Awareness) to the West in the '60s. He went to an LA auditorium to speak to anyone interested in learning about it. No one showed up. He spoke anyway, to an empty auditorium, so strong was the conviction in his heart of what he must do.

I believe that what he was practicing was his own mastery, and so it didn't matter who was listening at the time... fifty years later, I sit here still trying to absorb the message.

"If you want to learn a thing, read that.
If you want to know a thing, write that.
If you want to master a thing, teach that."
~ Yogi Bhajan

Several years ago I took a 3 hour Kundalini class, and one powerful message I recall often when I am taking my body image too seriously is the teacher cooing 'loooooooove your belllly'. Still makes me smile!

Listen to and practice really receiving this blessing into your heart...
only then can it radiate out to others...

May the longtime sun shine upon you
All love surround you
And the pure light within you
Guide your way on

Namaste.

full moon mood

2010-08-24T11:04:00.007-03:00

Slow down, you're movin' too fast
You gotta make the mornin' last
Just kickin' down the cobblestones
Lookin' for fun and
Feelin' groovy

Hello lampost
Whatcha knowin?
I've come to watch your flowers growin'
Ain'tcha got no rhymes for me?
Doo Bee Doo Doo,
Feelin' groovy

Got no deeds to do
No promises to keep
I'm dappled and drowsy and ready to sleep
Let the morningtime drop all its petals on me...
Life, I love you,
All is groovy

fruits o' roots

2010-05-03T22:13:00.000-03:00

this morning I awoke to the sounds of nature out the open window,

such a pleasant and gentle way to greet the day!
first open window night of the season here in the northeast...
which led me to thinking about nature and our connection with it.
'it' is not separate from us.
we are among nature,
we interact with nature.
it's the noticing of this interaction that varies,
but I believe nature is always speaking to us
and is a very wise teacher.

take Roots for example.
for some reason I made pannakakku for the first time ever, and then came across a box of 'finn crisp' at a store recently,
so I was feeling more in touch with my own family heritage and
where I come from.
a friend pointed out that this little maple here was not growing in a good spot
and suggested we replant it somewhere more fitting.
like this little maple tree, perhaps as human beings we can all relate to the desire to receive guidance and encouragement to bloom in our optimal environment... with space,
to reach our branches to the sky and show our array of color...
and also to reach deep for our nourishment and centeredness...
and some of us, like the rhododendrons we also just planted,
take a while to allow their roots to branch out from their root ball,
but once they do, become quite hardy.

Poetry, A Natural Thing
~by Robert Duncan in The Opening of the Field

Neither our vices nor our virtues
further the poem. "They came up

and died
just like they do every year

on the rocks."

The poem
feeds upon thought, feeling, impulse,

to breed itself,
a spiritual urgency at the dark ladders leaping.

This beauty is an inner persistence

toward the source
striving against (within) down-rushet of the river...

morning glories

2010-04-20T10:16:00.000-03:00

Why I Wake Early

Hello, sun in my face.
Hello, you who make the morning
and spread it over the fields
and into the faces of the tulips
and the nodding morning glories,
and into the windows of, even, the
miserable and the crotchety —

Best preacher that ever was,
dear star, that just happens
to be where you are in the universe
to keep us from ever-darkness,
to ease us with warm touching,
to hold us in the great hands of light —
good morning, good morning, good morning.

Watch, now, how I start the day
in happiness, in kindness.

Mary Oliver

it's alive!

2010-04-18T10:19:00.000-03:00

our first tray of wheatgrass, flourishing!

If planted, all living foods would sprout and grow. ~Ann Wigmore

d. w. t. l.

2010-04-15T10:45:00.000-03:00

"I've been absolutely terrified every moment of my life, and I've never let it keep me from doing a single thing that I've wanted to do."
Georgia O'Keefe

d. w. t. l.
sounds like... dawdle... to waste time.

don't...

wait...

to...

live...

depending where you are coming from, the phrase 'wasting time' can have different connotations. here in the west many of us might hear that and feel pressure coming from somewhere to do something. accomplish something. maybe without real-lies'ing it.
not that there's anything wrong with do-ing things... in theory...

don't just do something,
sit there...

Bertrand Russell said 'the time you enjoy wasting is not wasted time',
and this speaks to my heart in a deep and poetic way
as does his summary of his work and his life, at the age of 84, in
WHAT I HAVE LIVED FOR:

"Three passions, simple but overwhelmingly strong, have governed my life: the longing for love, the search for knowledge, and unbearable pity for the suffering of mankind. These passions, like great winds, have blown me hither and thither, in a wayward course, over a deep ocean of anguish, reaching to the very verge of despair (...) and would gladly live it again if the chance were offered me."
(click here if you'd like to read the entire prologue to his autobiography in 1967)

As this chapter melts into the next one, I am humbled and grateful to stop in this moment to gaze toward the east and know that I am moving in the direction that allows me to shed a bit more of the clutter and simply live closer to nature....
beside my beloved kindred spirit...
in a place that nourishes my soul...

these are the days...

I never saw the morning 'til I stayed up all night
I never saw the sunshine 'til you turned out the light
I never saw my hometown until I stayed away too long
I never heard the melody, until I needed a song.

I never saw the white line, 'til I was leaving you behind
I never knew I needed you 'til I was caught up in a bind
I never spoke 'I love you' 'til I cursed you in vain,
I never felt my heartstrings until I nearly went insane.

I never saw the east coast 'til I move to the west
I never saw the moonlight until it shone off your breast
I never saw your heart 'til someone tried to steal,
Tried to steal it away
I never saw your tears until they rolled down your face.

San Diego Serenade
Tom Waits

Simplici-Tea

2010-03-13T08:34:00.000-04:00

Even though the dictionary lists easy as a synonym of simple, in my experience,

when it comes to living simply,

that has generally not been easy.

Yet at times I find I have that lurking belief that simplifying should be an easy process.

Now, cultivating simplicity....

that is a labor of love.

Still not easy,
but a more enjoyable approach
and purpose-oriented direction I am much more in tune with.

to cultivate:

to improve and prepare; to loosen or dig soil around...

to promote the growth of....

to nurture....

to form and refine...

to seek the acquaintance or goodwill of; make friends with...

...simply empowering ourselves to loosen or dig the soil around beliefs, in order to make room for improvements!

What do you think... Does one aspire to live simply, or is that an oxymoron?

here and now

2010-01-26T21:28:00.000-04:00

In my previous rock wall post when I wrote about asking myself 'how did I get here', there truly was an element of wonder. Learning to climb that wall was something I did in the scope of my job/where I currently spend forty hours a week. I find myself working in a setting where sometimes I feel so far out of my element, yet other times I feel completely at home in this place where some of the harsh realities of our society are seen and dealt with.

I appreciate the lessons available when the lines between
work and play,
work and healing,
witnessing and speaking,
being and doing,
learning and leading,
are blurred...

Through her world of writing poetry, I was invited into the world of a teenager who experiences much emotional pain. It was at once an honor, humbling, eye-opening, sad, and hopeful. A powerful glimpse.

A woman next to me in a group spoke in one breath about the joys of growing up on a farm, and in the next breath with the same matter-of-fact tone about how there are only 4 siblings left out of the 6 now; 2 suicides.

As I stood in the doorway as instructed, observing an interaction on one of my first days, I was glad when the child assertively spoke to his boundaries being invaded, because he exposed my feeling of awkwardness that I was there without him knowing who I was or why I was there. When things are not right in our environment, it is the healthy response to speak to it. In an instant, he showed me that he was much less conditioned to hold back in this way than I was.

I became frazzled and distracted by the teenage girls who wouldn't stop talking when I was trying to facilitate the group. After my activity was done I found I was just going through the motions for a while because I was lost in the distraction/downward spiral of similar old feelings this stirred up. Eckhart Tolle refers to this as being stuck in a pain-body. They are just about us and are not based in the present reality.

"It's your world, kiddo, I'm just livin' in it."

My practice is to keep coming back to the wisdom of the way of the horse...
when a situation/stressor is past, they let go of what just happened and 'go back to grazing' so as to save their strength and energy for when they really need it, for survival. Letting go of the emotion and hanging onto the lesson.

So begins another week. I bring with me the reminder that though life is much larger than what we are currently experiencing, it's good to be experiencing it, warts and all.

"Since all things are naked, clear
and free from obscurations, there
is nothing to attain or realise.
The everyday practice is simply to
develop a complete acceptance and
openness to all situations and emotions.
And to all people ~ experiencing
everything totally without reservations
and blockages so that one never
withdraws or centralises onto oneself."
~ excerpted from a Maha Ati text translated by Chögyam Trungpa Rinpoche

And so it is!

the wall of...

2010-01-09T13:22:00.000-04:00

I climbed a rock wall like this one

a first
something on my to try someday list
it was not a high or difficult wall
by any climbers standards
but gave me enough of a challenge
and heightened perspective
so that as I was up there I had to pause
and ask myself
how did I get here?
each self-defeating
and self-supporting
thought that arose in the
process of strategizing and stretching
trusting and letting go
reaching higher and resting
knowing when it was enough
for me
for now

the greatest insights
came after
when I was more connected to my true self
upon reflection
getting out of my own way so to speak
embracing this physical challenge
was a fitting reminder
another glimpse
into how healing
time out of mind
is.

2009, etc...

2010-01-01T11:05:00.000-04:00

This past year has been filled with powerful learnings around

Trust, Detachment, Inner Peace...

Joy, Curiosity, Listening, Awareness...

Communication, Observation, Acceptance, Action...

For it all, Blessed and Grateful am I.

~ ~ ~

if you're not having fun, why do it.

life is hard. once you accept that, it ceases to be so.

(m. scott peck)

you don't do yoga to get a better body.

you do yoga to learn to love the body you have.

(eddie, yoga soup)

try to marry inner peace with creating a soulful world.

(joan chittister)

~ ~ ~

As water takes whatever shape it is in,
So free may you be about who you become.

May your prayer of listening deepen enough

To hear in the distance the laughter of God.

(from A Blessing For Equilibrium, by John O’Donohue)

~ ~ ~

A few reminders about friendship from a wise,

spirit-filled young woman I know...

be the friend you'd want them to be.

it’s better to be disliked or made fun of for who you really are than

to be loved for who you aren’t.

your friends encourage you to be a better person, not cause you to be a worse one.

~ ~ ~

I want my life to be one of love, not rage

Kindness, not contempt

Joy, not suffering

I want to be alive and present in this moment,

not lost in thought and delusion.

- Zen poem

~ ~ ~

Happy Merry!

2009-12-23T20:30:00.000-04:00

The charming boys I am blessed to spend this Christmas with ...

Written on Christmas Eve, 1513

I salute you. I am your friend, and my love for you goes deep.

There is nothing I can give you which you have not. But there is much,

very much, that, while I cannot give it, you can take. No heaven can

come to us unless our hearts find rest in it today. Take heaven!

No peace lies in the future which is not hidden in this present little instant.

Take peace! The gloom of the world is but a shadow. Behind it, yet within

our reach, is joy. There is radiance and glory in darkness, could we but see.

And to see, we have only to look. I beseech you to look!

Life is so generous a giver. But we, judging its gifts by their covering,

cast them away as ugly or heavy or hard. Remove the covering, and you

will find beneath it a living splendor, woven of love by wisdom, with power.

Welcome it, grasp it, and you touch the angel's hand that brings it to you.

Everything we call a trial, a sorrow or a duty, believe me, that angel's hand is there.

The gift is there and the wonder of an overshadowing presence. Your joys, too,

be not content with them as joys. They, too, conceal diviner gifts.

Life is so full of meaning and purpose, so full of beauty beneath its covering,

that you will find earth but cloaks your heaven. Courage then to claim it; that is all!

But courage you have, and the knowledge that we are pilgrims together,

wending through unknown country home.

And so, at this time, I greet you, not quite as the world sends greetings,
but with profound esteem and with the prayer that for you, now and
forever, the day breaks and shadows flee away.

~ Fra Giovanni ~

topaz ~ wisdom courage serenity

2009-11-12T12:41:00.000-04:00

What the Day Gives

Suddenly, sun. Over my shoulder
in the middle of gray November
what I hoped to do comes back,
asking.

Across the street the fiery trees
hold onto their leaves,
red and gold in the final months
of this unfinished year,
they offer blazing riddles.

In the frozen fields of my life
there are no shortcuts to spring,
but stories of great birds in migration
carrying small ones on their backs,
predators flying next to warblers
they would, in a different season, eat.

Stunned by the astonishing mix in this uneasy world
that plunges in a single day from despair
to hope and back again, I commend my life
to Ruskin's difficult duty of delight,
and to that most beautiful form of courage,
to be happy.

~ Jeanne Lohmann ~

(The Light of Invisible Bodies)

Nice

2009-10-25T16:28:00.001-03:00

My mom's name is Eunice.

I always thought it was a nice name,

and that it fit her, because she is, well, quite a nice person.

Plus she's a Minnesotan, and you know what they say about them...

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Recently someone who doesn't know anyone else in my family except me,

made a comment about my 'you-ness'.

I thought that was such a sweet thing to say and it kept rolling around in my head.

Then it hit me for the first time in my 37 years I've known my mother...

my Eu-nice!

It has been an enlightening journey discovering, honoring, and claiming

the parts of me that have the essence of her in them too.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Another friend speaks of all of what we receive from our birth parents as

fertile soil from which to grow.

I believe that to be true

whatever our current, past, or future relationship may be with them,

and that it's much larger than what the relationship is/was in the physical.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Oh what joy is to be found in simply witnessing our collective you-ness!

Instrumental

2009-10-20T11:16:00.000-03:00

By chance, during a poetry festival recently, I had an enlightening chat about communication with an acquaintance's husband, who just happens to also administer the Myers-Briggs personality test.

INFP! I said,

and he proceeded to share this story of an exchange between he (also an INFP)

and his wife (not so much of an INFP)...

"The path from your brain to your mouth," she said to him after a particularly frustrating communication process, "is like a french horn. Except sometimes something coherent comes out the other end, and sometimes it doesn't!"

... to which he replied:

"And your path from your brain to your mouth is like a well-greased trombone slide!"

With this welcomed lighthearted, insightful new way of see-ing each other,

they both laughed at themselves and haven't taken communication so seriously since.

With that in mind, did you know that 90% of communication is

non-verbal?

Understanding my self, yet not attaching to who I am as a personality only,

so that I can stretch and grow outside of my perceived container(s),

as well as understand, inter-act, and respond with other beings,

rather than react to them,

this knowledge of my inherent nature is helpful information

in order to access the courage to joyfully practice my part in the musical of life.

In the same vein as music, the ocean as a metaphor for navigating life moves me deeply as well.

One of my favorite quotes from Sogyal Rinpoche:

"A wave in the sea, seen in one way, seems to have a distinct identity, an end and a beginning, a birth and a death. Seen in another way, the wave itself doesn't really exist but is just the behavior of water, 'empty' of any separate identity but 'full' of water. So when you really think about the wave, you come to realize that it is something that has been made temporarily possible by wind and water, and is dependent on a set of constantly changing circumstances. You also realize that every wave is related to every other wave."

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

What instrument(s) do you practice playing?

If you're interested in your own exploration of the Jung-inspired Myers-Briggs test:

http://www.humanmetrics.com/cgi-win/JTypes2.asp

Also a good book I have read, which includes the test, is

'Please Understand Me II' by David Keirsey

It's not about the destination

2009-10-09T11:43:00.000-03:00

Have you experienced how the anticipation of something can be so

much sweeter

than the actual something when/if it happens?

I've come to realize that this is so because the time leading up to something is what's actually happening, what's real.

Yes, I'm speaking of the trappings of expectation.

I was reminded of this with a recent experience with

the workshop that never was...

After signing up for a 2-hour workshop on Finding Balance, offered by two life coaches, one of whom is also a nutritionist, it was a sweet surprise when one of the workshop leaders invited a connection to self well before, through a question I was asked to answer 'for them'. In pondering this question, I had already begun to enjoy the class, and felt it was going to be $15 (I love Maine) well spent. It's a simple question about what would be most helpful for me to take away from the class, but what it did is became the medium for me to clarify my intention and bring me more conscious about my feelings around the topic of Balance.

After working through my semantic issue with 'finding' balance (for me, the word finding implies searching/looking for something outside of ourselves, something that we 'lost', whereas discovering implies becoming aware of something that has been there all along, but we forgot we knew. They both relate to awareness, so it really wasn't a deal breaker that they titled like they did),

I responded: I'm happy you asked. At this time I have two areas to share about that would be most helpful for me to take away from this class. First, I would like to take away memories of a good time spent connecting and sharing with others, in a healing space grounded in compassion and possibility. Second would be having the opportunity to come to a deeper awareness of how I interact with what I choose to put into my body, how I take care of/honor and listen to my body, and how this relates to the balance of my overall health and well being, as well as to my intention of living in harmony with all parts of my self ...

this or something greater ... !

Well, the class was canceled due to not enough people signing up.

But as I reflected on what I had hoped to explore in the workshop, I remembered my ideas about the process around finding and discovering (housed in my initial resistance), and how we hold the answers inside of ourselves. A good teacher or class will reflect them back to us, but we have all the tools we need to at least begin.

My style of eating is on the healthy side and I am practicing tuning in to what I am really hungry for at times when I habitually reach for something to put in my mouth.

And since my style of eating has been doing wonders for my husband,

I began to wonder if what keeps me in the same place might be other things that I

put into my body,

that I 'digest',

that may not be nourishing it, or in fact depleting it of its good energy.

I started questioning what other unconscious beliefs might be blocking me.

No concrete answers yet, but I found a clue when I became teary-eyed

hearing how a dear friend put an affirmation on her young daughters' bathroom mirror

that reminded them of how beautiful their body is, inside and out.

I thought I had made friends with my body, but this

seems like a good place to (re)start.

A Sweet Slice of Fall

2009-09-28T21:31:00.000-03:00

To me, this pie is so heavenly, I just needed to share the recipe...

(If she knew she was going to be photographed, she would have worn her fancy top...)

(I am hoping you can click on the pics to make them large enough to read clearer.)
(Instead of the 3/4 - 1 cup of sugar, I use only about 1/4 cup and then add some agave nectar, and I use half 'n half.

I admit I do not make my own crust. I use the Pillsbury refrigerated rollout crust.)

Mmmmmmm.......

Thank you, Rodney...

For this 'welcome to Maine' cookbook years ago,

For taking the time to teach me how to eat a real lobstah,

For your patience with me as I learned to hear you through that thick accent,

And especially for sharing who you were, and for being who you were without apology.

You remain an inspiration, and you are missed.

This pie's for you, I know apple was your favorite!

A Delicious Revolution

2009-09-14T10:35:00.000-03:00

In the interest of completion and a pattern shift from letting things pile up, to creating space for fresh thoughts,

Some random ideas,

Each of which for me could be explored more in depth, and may be one day, but as I understand how the weight of seeing them in my drafts folder affects me (sends a subtle 'have to' message), I release them to the universe...

If there's an original thought out there, I could use it right now. ~ Bob Dylan
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

No matter what, you're either sitting, standing, or lying down ~ Byron Katie

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Nocturne ~Jennifer K Sweeney

There is a blue city in mind
constructed slantways

along a rippling canal,
clean and unpeopled but for a musician

who plays a harp without strings.
The city has one chair

where he sits by the broad strokes of water.
A lone streetlamp casts

a blue arc of light.
A Persian door. A zeppelin sky.

The world filters through
his empty frame as he plucks the air.

Maybe you hear a song or maybe you don't.
That is the choice we are always making.

(I donned my apron rather than painting clothes this morning...)

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

'Answers' arise following relaxation, and are most often 'found' in what we are taught to understand as hindsight... hindsight is simply wisdom that arises naturally, post-pushing,
after surrendering of the ego's will to 'know', and allowing the channel to the Divine within to open.

(my thought after hearing Philip Glass describe his creative process as something like 'Have you ever stood in the fog and at first couldn't see a thing, but as you softened your gaze, the outline of a tree appears, and eventually you see the complete scene.')
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

If you consider the physiology similarities, fear can disguise itself as excitement.
I thought I was excited to go up in the boomlift, but as we lifted higher and higher off the ground, and further away from the base, I was actually more fearful than I had realized. My process of calming down and feeling safe involved first not giving over to the fear (I did not want to get down), then stopping where we were and asking questions to understand the equipment/situation.
Afterward I wondered whether this incongruency is connected with my mom's labor being induced when she gave birth to me. If so, then is my true nature somewhat of a physical thrill-seeker, just on my own terms (don't push me)? Or is it about control?
Maybe the excited feeling was real and the fearful feeling represented my conditioning in the world...
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

"...I would like to beg you dear Sir, as well as I can, to have patience with everything unresolved in your heart and to try to love the questions themselves as if they were locked rooms or books written in a very foreign language. Don't search for the answers, which could not be given to you now, because you would not be able to live them. And the point is to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps then, someday far in the future, you will gradually, without even noticing it, live your way into the answer."

~Rainer Maria Rilke, from Letters To a Young Poet

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

"The opposite for courage is not cowardice, it is conformity. Even a dead fish can go with the flow." ~ Jim Hightower

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

"In fact, industrial farming and fast food operate hand in glove, very much like a vast conspiracy. Together they suppress variety, limit our choices, and manipulate our desires by getting us hooked on sugar and salt. What we are calling for is a revolution in public education --- a real Delicious Revolution. When the hearts and minds of our children are captured by a school lunch curriculum, enriched with experience in the garden, sustainability will become the lens through which they see the world."

~ Alice Waters

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
A person was continuously sending up the prayer to win the lottery...
One day the Lord finally said
'I'd really like to help you, my child, but could you meet me halfway and at least
buy a lottery ticket?'

Home

2009-08-09T16:41:00.001-03:00

A 3-week, 4600-mile road trip from southern California to

Home Sweet Home, Maine...

(One of my favorite photos from the whole trip; Ray snapped this driving north from Bozeman, Montana, while the co-pilot/photographer was on the phone with her mother making plans to meet in North Dakota for a family reunion.)

Thoughts On Home

I believe that our ultimate home is a spiritual place we're all heading. However, as always, I find there are more layers beneath and within this belief...

I found a rhythm, a comfort, a homeyness within the routine of a road trip for those three weeks.

I reconnected with a certain rootedness as we went with my Mom to the farm where she grew up, and also spent some time in the places of my childhood, which led to some resolving of what my home was in reality back then and letting go of the idea of home I had thought I wanted.

A realtor distinctly referred to our current dwelling as having the feel of a

home rather than a house.

And being back, with my love, after being away for eighteen months,

I agree that there certainly is a difference between a house and a home. Even though plans are to move forward at some point from this home, I know I am blessed to be home, to be here now. I now know and claim that what I am blessed with is not contained in or restricted by these particular walls, though this home will always have a special place in my heart.

For me, home is an internal place which is not static, and I am discovering that becoming aware of the present (dual meaning intended) home rather than trying to attain some feeling, or idea of a feeling, from the past or the future, is where peace lies. It is to be who you are, wherever you are, so yes, one of the most difficult journeys we take.

On the other hand, home is just a word, yet I am reminded of how words can have the power to confine or liberate us. Perhaps home is simply a representation of personal experience in meaning and sentiment, and evolving through each phase of life naturally.

What does home mean to you... is it defined by people, a certain place, a feeling, a time,

Is it heaven on earth, grounding, a place of renewal and growth, a sanctuary, comforting, safe, impermanent,

ever-changing, consistent, elusive...

THE HOUSE OF BELONGING ~ David Whyte

I awoke
this morning
in the gold light
turning this way
and that

thinking for
a moment
it was one
day
like any other.

But
the veil had gone
from my
darkened heart
and
I thought

it must have been the quiet
candlelight
that filled my room,

it must have been
the first
easy rhythm
with which I breathed
myself to sleep,

it must have been
the prayer I said
speaking to the otherness
of the night.

And
I thought
this is the good day
you could
meet your love,

this is the black day
someone close
to you could die.

This is the day
you realize
how easily the thread
is broken
between this world
and the next

and I found myself
sitting up
in the quiet pathway
of light,

the tawny
close grained cedar
burning round
me like fire
and all the angels of this housely
heaven ascending
through the first
roof of light
the sun has made.

This is the bright home
in which I live,
this is where
I ask
my friends
to come,
this is where I want
to love all the things
it has taken me so long
to learn to love.

This is the temple
of my adult aloneness
and I belong
to that aloneness
as I belong to my life.

There is no house
like the house of belonging.

Goodbody Every Evening

2009-07-13T01:45:00.000-03:00

You don't have a soul.

You are a soul.

You have a body.

~C.S. Lewis

How to Stay in the Present Moment, Eckhart Tolle

1. Inhabit the body. Sense the aliveness that is in the body. This takes your attention away from thought. The practice of physical movements such as Tai Chi helps. Sensing the body becomes an anchor for staying present in the now.

2. Make it your practice to welcome this moment, no matter what form it takes. Say yes to whatever is “now”. There is only one moment, but different forms of it. The secret is not to resist these forms. Surrendering to the forms that arise takes you to the formless in yourself. You then sense a spaciousness around whatever happens in your life. People, events, situations, objects come and go. Being in the now moment liberates you from form, from the world. With that liberation comes enormous peace.

Nothing happens next. Everything happens now. ~Cheri Huber

What are the benefits of general awareness?

We avoid showing ourselves by using our musculature to create protective barriers around our vulnerabilities. By becoming aware, we have the choice to lower these barriers or to continue to live behind them. Maintaining the barriers expends a lot of energy that could be used for your life's purpose, for something other than retaining muscle tension or an emotional position. Rosen Method bodywork begins with the individual and his or her own growth, but it doesn't stop there. The individual's growth leads to action, and those actions cause a ripple effect in the world; the possibilities are unending.

~ Marion Rosen

The Edge of Awareness, Eugene Gendlin

Inward listening is a dialogue in which "I" and "what comes" both participate and change.

Inward listening lets go of self-engineering, but not of forward-moving bodily life-energy and active development. It is a dialogue with a sensed "edge" that comes physically in us, which we cannot direct or construct. In that dialogue I do not become less than in my usual ways of living. I become more than I was.

We value this edge because it is a porous borderzone through which new steps come that we could not have made. In this metaphor the word "edge" works oddly. This "edge" is the center of the body. It is also the center of speech and action. What you really meant by what you said — or, the motivation you really felt is that unclear but alive bodily sense.

Knock-knock.

(Who's there?)

Nobody.

(Nobody who?)

________

Glimpses Now and Then

2009-07-01T11:38:00.000-03:00

The experience I wish to share is circular, and multi-layered, and somewhat of a challenge to put into words. My internal critic wants me to involve my ego, both of which would very much like to influence my sharing... in this situation I am inclined to kindly ask them to step aside for a little while.

This encompasses what I understand to be the richness of my human experience that is available when I slow down. It's an opportunity for me to get out of my own way, to stop pushing/looking/seeking long enough to look around in wonder at what is occurring NOW. Indeed, there has always been so much more going on than what anybody is doing, so this is simply a way of honoring how happy I am to share how little I know. All of this happened THEN, but through making the connections, it also lives and breathes through me right now.

It's a lofty intention to live like this more and more, so for me I am learning that taking the time to recognize these powerful *glimpses* creates the space for more of them...

These are the nouns this story includes but are not limited to: a dentist, an office manager, a pin-pusher, a horse, death, toxins, new life, a humble seeker of joy through all of life's perceived ups and downs, and all of us just doing the best we can with where we are and with what we know.

A while back, the seeker began to receive acupuncture for the first time in her life. A while before this, she began to step up into her role as friend and caretaker of her body, and cautiously trusting its wisdom. (Gratefully, that caution is slowly losing its hold on her mind). {Side note: Whenever I encounter someone in the healing arts -or otherwise for that matter-who attempts to override this trust in myself, or in some subtle way attempts to lead me to trust in them rather than to nurture my own inner knowing, I am recognizing that it is in my best interest to simply move on. When I am of sound mind and body, seeking help ought never to bring me to a position of giving up my own intuition or power. No matter how well-intentioned, when it's also a way they make their living, I believe lines can become blurred in these areas of 'service'.}

So, the pin-pusher is this type of person who sees herself only as a conduit, which I believe paved the way for authentic healing to take place. As the treatment went on, she listened to me, and shared what she believed to be occurring in my body, based on Chinese Medicine philosophy, as my meridians began to open and flow more freely. I found the process absolutely fascinating and enlightening, and it deepened my communication between my mind and my body. In order to receive the type of help I needed, I needed to seek the kind of helper I needed. And because she is also a seeker, she said she learned a lot about herself and her ongoing practice through our mutual exchange.

One of the 'side effects' of acupuncture is that the body attempts to rid itself of what it perceives as toxins or blocks to overall health and vitality. This idea of toxins is very broad and individual and inclusive of all levels, physical, emotional, mental, creative, etc., and as this was happening for me, I found that the space to share was critical not only for me but for my acupuncturist in order to continually adjust the treatments to address all of what was going on. For me, this piece was allowing and not resisting the assistance I had asked for, and discerning that this was a situation where I could trust to let my guard down in order to progress internally. Trust was one word that came up a lot in the beginning, and she often reminded me that only good can come from this, and that blocked energy that is beginning to shift and move is often registered in the brain as pain. This knowledge totally reshaped my view on pain, and my judgment of it as 'bad'. I equate it to how the body will adapt to even the harshest of toxins before it gives out, and how the way back to health can 'feel' much worse than the way to un-health. And how a headache, a cold, a fever, can all be ways for the body to rid itself of what is not serving our optimal health.

Being ready to let go of many of these toxic/limiting thoughts and patterns, I rather enjoyed that part, and could feel some of the resultant letting go in my physical body. Slow but sure, I said thank you and goodbye to some deep-seated ones. I could wrap my head around this concept, this side effect, very easily but was very skeptical of the idea that amalgam fillings could literally begin to fall out! So strong was my denial of this happening that when the first one did in January not only did I not make the connection with the acupuncture, I replaced it with another amalgam because insurance didn't cover the full amount of a composite. Thanks for trying to help me, body, but... My delightful dentist (who I didn't know was so delightful at this time) tried to steer me away from this, but could see my mind was made up. (yeah, he just wanted to make that extra $30 so he could go to some fancy restaurant on my money, ha ha).

Many acupuncture sessions later, and an understanding that not only was I clearing physical toxins, the emotional ones that go along with them as well (I learned that it is important to address the emotions that were present as a child when these fillings were originally done, which opened up a whole new level of vulnerabilities and shame to be healed), and on we go to May and my routine 6-month cleaning. I knew I had another filling that was chipped, and had already decided to splurge with a composite replacement. But as it turned out the filling was such a gigantic one that he recommended a crown. A porcelain one at that. cha-ching, cha-ching, if you catch my drift. So I asked for a quote for my out-of-pocket costs from the office manager, got an amount (went with the porcelain over metal rather than the pricier all-porcelain one... baby steps), which for me was a lot of money. I made the appointment for this work to be done, and was starting to feel good about handling these things instead of letting them pile up. When I returned for the appointment the next week, I wasn't feeling well or particularly strong, I had a headache, and the last thing I wanted to do was sit in a dentist chair. The new girl had screwed up my appointment, and had me scheduled with one of the other dentists (much as my mind wanted me to think that my dentist was just another greedy businessman, I only wanted to be treated by him... hmm), and my copay amount suddenly went up by $30. New girl couldn't handle my direct questions (I was not feeling well so I'm sure I was not very sweet, however, I was not 'emotional' towards her), and she did what most people do when they feel threatened and exposed for their lack of knowledge. She tried to assert some power and false idea of 'take it or leave it, that's just how it is'. When that didn't work, she handed me over to the office manager, who of course overheard all of what had unfolded already and brought an attitude into our conversation, and she eventually got frustrated and was about to give up as well. I was aware that what I was asking for was so foreign because it was too simple. In their jobs, they have to wade through such a mountain of information when it comes to insurance companies, their heads are so filled with this protocol, that my asking why the cost of a procedure changed from one day to the next completely threw them. My opening to bring in some rationality was when the office manager stopped her justifying/rambling and said 'What is it you want from me, Melanie?' I smiled and said that first I wanted us both to take a breath. Then I said I wanted her to help me understand the change in the copay. Thankfully, she got right on board with my clear request, and together we discovered that the insurance company had given two different quotes on two different days for the exact same billing code. Okay, now we both learned something and had a fresh starting place. But to get there, we needed to look through many pieces of convoluted paperwork, which takes time and patience. It's simply the system we have to deal with. Meanwhile, a guy showed up who was in pain and wanted to get in asap. Sorry, sir, there's no more appointments available today, you can come in first thing tomorrow morning. That was my cue to reschedule my appointment with the dentist I wanted anyways.

So a week later, I had the old filling removed and a temporary crown put on. I also learn that the dentist is a self-proclaimed 'professional hummer' of classical music, which he always has playing in the background. I opened my eyes and saw that he's actually a genuinely joyful, happy person, and when I meet someone like that it is very humbling to recognize how easy it is to miss. Aren't these people to be found working for a peace institute? (wink wink). Authentic people don't try to change negativity, they just sidestep it and go on. I began paying attention to how he speaks lovingly of his wife and three children, of his life overall, of his Mom and brother back in Mexico who he knows not to call in the afternoons because they are taking Siesta, he smiles a lot, he tells interesting stories, he is direct, and he's a competent dentist offering a good service to the community. Further, I feel safe opening my mouth and giving him permission to poke around with sharp tools and drills in my teeth.

Two weeks later, I returned to have the permanent crown put on. (By this time, the front office girls seem to enjoy seeing me, they definitely know who I am now, and I enjoy seeing them as well. I have learned that one of them has a boyfriend on deployment in Iraq, and the other is seeing someone new who wants her to move to New York. I am so glad to relate on a personal level.) This is also the day just following my intense weekend of being in charge of the horses when two of them had serious health situations arise and needed to be taken to the clinic for surgeries. I ended up sharing this with the dentist, and he genuinely cared.

Prior to that weekend, I had also decided the time was showing itself to leave my job, so it would be a good time to handle the other 3 fillings that were nearly falling out. I had begun to trust the dentist, but the assistant was another story. She seemed to be so green, and I liked her only being in charge of the suction and the passing of tools. When she began scraping the cement off the edges of my newly placed crown with one of those very sharp instruments, I was on full alert and ready to make her abort at the slightest sense of her doing it 'wrong'! In that moment I thought of how we are all here to be students and teachers for one another. I had just been in a position of extreme helplessness with the horses in terms of what I could do to relieve their pain, but I was not help-less. I could only give what I had to give. I could get them help, be their advocate, their friend, be present with them through a scary situation, I could be their witness. I related this to my fear of what harm this assistant might do to me, worst of which might be a little poke in the gums, and was then happy to be a person for her to practice on to build her confidence.

To complete all this work, it seemed I was at this office at least once a week over the past month. My final appointment in this stretch of dental work was yesterday. The dentist happened to have his wife and two of their three children stop in, and I got to meet these lovely people. I shared with the front office girls and the dentist my upcoming move from the area, and I was very aware that I was speaking to dear people who I will remember fondly. During my procedure, the dentist and I had a nice exchange about serendipity and chance encounters that don't seem to be very important at the time but turn out to be significant or even life-changing.... Amen!

One horse passes on,

new life and new beginnings arise,

we let go and we hang on,

plant seeds and reap the harvest,

we honor the old and the new,

and the circle of life continues...

It turned out to be a lot of words here, and I have to say, oh well. One day I hope to reach a point where I just say wow, *great glimpse* and move on, but maybe that hope is my ego talking... I guess I am not a short, tidy story type of gal...

thank you for sharing this part of my journey with me....

Blessings to your own glimpses, which I would love to hear about...

From C to shining C

2009-06-25T01:09:00.001-03:00

A spin on Circles and Commitment

that is

Centering

for me during a time of transitioning into what's next in my external world,

which reminds me that the only 'what's next' worthy of my attention in my internal world is my next breath... of which I am grateful to receive.

I live my life in widening circles

that reach out across the world.

I may not complete this last one

but I give myself to it.

I circle around God, around the primordial tower.

I've been circling for thousands of years

and I still don't know: am I a falcon,

a storm, or a great song?

~ Ranier Maria Rilke ~

The irony of commitment is that it's deeply liberating - in work, in play, in love.

The act frees you from the tyranny of your internal critic, from the fear that likes to dress itself up and parade around as rational hesitation.

To commit is to remove your head as the barrier to your life.

~ Anne Morriss ~

Rest in Peace, dear Sonlight

2009-06-07T00:07:00.000-03:00

You brought sunshine to my days,

and I will miss your physical presence.

I am grateful I got to know you!

You taught me about true strength,

the essence of how being strong

does not involve an abuse of power.

The other horses looked to you for your

guidance and wisdom, to show them the way,

and your example of leadership will live on...

God bless you, dear one.

Safe travels.

And if you see Mr. Blue,

or Grandpa,

say hello for me.

Outer Space II

2009-06-05T21:15:00.000-03:00

Well, it's back.

But as it turns out it doesn't carry a lot of importance anymore, which has been an unexpected discovery.

What I've noticed is that since I have gained the awareness of the effect it was having on me, its effect has diminished, along with its power to affect me in a contractive way. *Reaffirms my belief that knowledge is power, but awareness is the key to freedom.* At the end of the day, its presence is not that big of a deal, unless I focus on it. (If we focus on the problem, how much more difficult is it to see the solution?)

The deeper lesson for me is to be found in the awareness of how getting to know those other 'trailers' that block my awarenesses creates a lot of precious space inside. All 'trailers' do tend to continue showing back up until finally through the conscious awareness that they are there, they don't become permanently entrenched. Trailers do, after all, have wheels, making them much easier to move if they aren't allowed to sit still and rust...

And hay (pun intended), this is a classic, a relic, and beautiful in its own way,

so why not just enjoy it!

outer space

2009-05-27T22:24:00.001-03:00

This is a photo

of what

isn't

there...

Picture an 8-foot tall by 10-foot long horse trailer here.

Just sitting there, seldom used, in case of an emergency.

I never thought anything of it, it was just there.

Someone decided to put it there.

I never thought about what it was blocking.

I never thought about the effect it had on me.

Until it was gone.

By chance, it needed to be moved temporarily recently.

The barn is just behind, so it is a place I spend a good part of my day.

I found myself feeling better in this space.

I could breathe better, I literally felt as if a weight had been lifted.

I am working to find a new home for it.

Made me wonder what other 'trailers' might be ready to be moved.

...that's how the light gets in

2009-05-17T20:18:00.000-03:00

One year ago today, my love and I got to see Leonard Cohen at the Confederation Center in Charlottetown, Prince Edward Island, Canada. A great story in and of itself how he managed to get us tickets... I don't go to a lot of concerts anymore because I've gotten very selective, but this experience blew my mind.....

It's also been about one year of some intense participation in the 'healing game' for me. For many years now I have been on a path of becoming friends (or at least friendly) with my body, which has led me to some fascinating places. But it all started with a curiosity about whether my relationship with my body was creating some sort of disconnect in my approach to my life overall. I've placed much importance on understanding the connection and inter-connectedness of body, spirit, and creativity, and have understood on an intellectual level how they all have an effect on each other, but my awareness has been increased when I began considering all of this along with the idea that...

Energy Follows Thought

And it's not always conscious thought, in fact, I believe it's often unconscious thought, or what we learn as children (whether intentionally taught or unintentionally learned, this is not a parent-bashing session). Bringing one's thoughts to consciousness can be a difficult process, because let's face it, our thoughts, wherever they come from, are not all of sunshine and roses. But then I started recognizing that I am not those thoughts, unless I choose to identify with them. I am speaking of the types of thoughts based in self-doubt and self-judgment, anything blocking my creative expression of who I am. So why go through it?? I have asked myself that many times, and at one point I realized it was simply to be able to be present with joy. By following and identifying with thoughts of authenticity rather than the other stuff.

You are not responsible for your disease

but you are responsible to the disease

When a progressive chiropractor/nutritionist/intuitive healing-type person I consult with said this to me, it brought me out of the darkness I was in at the time, trying to figure out what I had done 'wrong' to create this dis-ease in my second chakra (dwelling place of the self). Then on the journey of handling it, I encountered this statement...

What is not life threatening... is life OFFERING

And,

Look back only long enough to see how far you've come

We all have power statements, touchstones, things that we connect to that help us make sense of what life brings and to find some inner peace. What are yours?

Indeed, there is a crack in everything...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cgYlqKxV54Q&feature=related
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OIFDXHw0eaY&feature=related

brainTEAser

2009-05-10T21:59:00.001-03:00

Expansion On Tea

"There is a vitali-tea, a life-force, an energy, a quickening that is translated through you into action and because there is only one of you in all time, this expression is unique. And if you block it, it will never exist through any other medium and be lost. The world will not have it. It is not our business to determine how good it is nor how valuable nor how it compares with other expressions. It is your business to keep it yours clearly and directly, to keep the channel open. You do not even have to believe in yourself or your work. You have to keep open and aware directly to the urges that motivate you. Keep the channel open..." Martha Graham (1894-1991)

Authentici-tea, Availabili-tea

(really, not much more to say after these two...)

Brevi-tea

(speak your truth with simplici-tea and compassion)

Clari-tea, Creativi-tea, Chari-tea

(when there is true expression of the divine within, one's cup runneth over)

Divini-tea.....

Elastici-tea; Emp-tea-ness

(love the stretchy jeans) (target: the mind)

Fragili-tea, Flexibili-tea

(plans are great things if you're prepared for them not to work out)

Gravi-tea, generosi-tea

(stay grounded, then you are in a position to give of yourself freely from that centered place inside)

Hones-tea

(On the bottle of citrus spice decaf tea: 'Barry rides a unicycle, so he's got some balance.

Just don't look at his desk.' I cannot ride a unicycle, but I too loves my piles)

Interconnectivi-tea, Ingenui-tea

(relate to life around you, do not isolate; sometimes we have to be clever to find some common ground,

but consider believing that it is there and being patient until it shows itself)

Kara-tea

(be a warrior when it comes to taking care of yourself, but do not intentionally harm others)

Longevi-tea, Levi-tea

(to feel as good as you can for as long as you can, strive to gain altitude in the attitude)

Mana-tea

(oh so sweet, gentle cows of the sea)

Opportuni-tea, Originali-tea

(create authentic opportunities by being who you are, where you want to be, and then

paying attention to what the universe presents especially for you)

Plen-tea

(you are enough; you have enough; you do enough)

Quali-tea

(do the best you can with what you have and with what you know)

Royal-tea

(Lady Di... need I say more?)

Serendipi-tea, Synchronici-tea, Sensitivi-tea, Sani-tea, Sereni-tea

(the spice of life with a side of reali-tea and peace)

Tranquili-tea

(spend some time each day in silence)

Unbreakabili-tea

(inner strength and outer strength manifest in very different ways; tears are actually a sign of a

great depth of feeling and emotion, not weakness)

Vulnerabili-tea

(the depth to which one allows oneself to experience pain is in direct proportion to which one may experience joy)

Can anyone come up with more, or fill in any of the blanks?

Synchronicity

2009-05-01T13:21:00.000-03:00

There is great clarity and a sense of completion in finding oneself having come full circle with an experience, but even more delightful to discover that the circle keeps going. The circle becomes like an artichoke with more rich layers underneath... and the layers keep going around and around... until you reach the tender heart. Which of course is protected by a bristly choke.

I recently had this full circle'ish experience when I reconnected with a boss from a place I left 6 years ago. I was thrilled he took the time out of his day to have lunch with me. And during lunch he said that he was so honored that I remembered him and my previous job place enough to revisit and reconnect, because, you know, 'we didn't end on the best of terms'. I was shocked and had no idea what he was talking about! There was a wave of horror/embarrassment/shame that came over me as I franticly tried to remember how things ended, sure that I was the one who offended him somehow, that I didn't even hear the rest of what he said '... and I always felt badly about that'.

He was surprised that I had no recollection of the event, and I could see he wished he hadn't brought it up. Even when he explained more fully what the event was, I still had only a vague memory. Turns out he had promised me something, some time off that I had requested, and then due to another staff person having an emergency, he needed to take it back. Apparently I was so upset, I even wrote him a note, which essentially was a resignation letter, stating among other reasons that I was leaving and that this incident was a last straw. (I told him I hope he burned the note, God knows what I said!) He did say that he had a sense that I was ready to move on from the job anyways, yet he has felt badly for this many years. He was right, it was time for me to move on, and I only have fond memories of my experience working there.

One never knows... I hadn't even been planning to reconnect, yet a series of synchronistic events led me there, and 'suddenly' we were having lunch together. A first, actually.

I am grateful to have had the opportunity to clear the air, and I thanked him for bringing it up. Reminded me of how sensitive we all are, and how usually the most sensitive and heart-protective ones among us have learned or needed to put up the toughest exterior.

It also left me wondering how many of these life events and interactions with one another we hang onto, for whatever reason, that we really can just allow ourselves to let go of... the other person has long since forgotten...

I do believe that in reality, it is a rare occurrence that we get to bring these experiences to a place of forgiveness, resolution, and completion face-to-face. Had my boss, who I now consider a friend, not had the courage to bring this up, we wouldn't have had the opportunity to move forward in a fresh new way. Miguel Ruiz says, 'don't take anything personally, what another person does is because of them, not because of you'. In this situation this was very true, whatever hurt or upset I had over the time off incident I apparently let go of shortly thereafter (maybe even as soon as I wrote him the letter). It was also a reminder to be mindful of how we can affect others with our words and our actions.

And to flow with life, to be willing to experience coincidences along the way,

to be open to healing opportunities for ourselves and others,

and to allow intuition and insight to lead to the meaning in them for ourselves.

I for one whole(artichoke)heartily believe in synchronicity.

Morning Interactions

2009-04-30T12:28:00.000-03:00

As I set out on my walk/jog, which I haven't done in a while, not wanting my own inner dialogue to serve as a distraction, I debated about going back for my iPod.... how to handle my busy mind this morning....

Direct the mind, drive the hind...

This is a natural horsemanship training saying whose wisdom I am reminded applies for me too. I love the simpleness of this phrase, it's one of my life mantras I have been enjoying lately. I decide to ask for the grace of connection to my source, my higher power, to help me find that place of surrender, of acceptance of self, busy mind and all, and to direct my mind to focus on what's really important. The morning was filled with this up and down, in and out, separated and connected, mind/spirit tug-of-war that strikes me as so representative of life. It's like strength training, building the muscle of presence with what is. Real.

My shadow is real. It may not reflect accurately the image of my inner self, but I guess that's some of the protective tendency we have as humans. I become aware of the egocentricity of walking along, contemplating my shadow and what it says (to who?), the narrowness of that focus. So I expand my gaze.

I encounter many homeless people arising from their slumbers, and feel humbled by their gentleness as they meet my gaze and we acknowledge each other, sometimes with a 'good morning', but mostly with just a smile. We are all only human beans, wanting/needing the same things; to give and receive love, safety, belonging, and to not be defined or judged by our life circumstances. We are so much more than that. But I can't escape the fact that I awoke in a warm, comfortable bed this morning and went out to face the world wanting to tune it, or me, out. I know at times we need to escape from reality, but I believe it can become a habit that rapidly becomes denial. Denial is one way of coping, so I can't indulge in self judgment for what I have needed to do to survive in my own life, but as I allow myself to awaken to the Divine in me, the glaring truth is that it is indeed in all of us, just because we are. In the past I felt like I was trying to be a do-gooder by smiling at the homeless, and now I see that I felt so phony because I saw myself as separate from them.

So further on my little morning adventure, I come to a bench with a dedication to a woman that read something like 'may you rest peacefully and dream of a world free from hate, free from violence'. I suddenly felt like I wanted to know her story, and then realized that I already did. I say a little prayer for her soul. We can't change the past, we can only move forward in love the best way we know how...

The evil of today is enough, we don't need to add to it with our own negativity. I believe that in order to do that, we do have to acknowledge our own darkness, it feeds on denial, and it's not going away. Direct the mind to a higher plane, and drive the hind. Move, move. Act, act. Do that which you know in your heart you must do, from a centered place inside.

Thus far on my walk, I had asphalt underfoot, and now as I reach the sand, where the waves meet the shore... ahhhh... I instantly feel that connection again to my source through nature, and a dolphin makes an appearance... I realize that though all of this beautiful learning and awareness is happening, it has primarily taken place in my head. I say a prayer of thanks for this moment...

My steps take me through the parking lot of the yacht club, and I realize just as I felt connected with those down on their luck, I also feel connected to the 'haves'.... none of us is better than or less than... I wonder if I am on private property yet I see a shortcut to where I want to go, so I ask the man closing the hatch of his Lexus whether this path leads to the breakwater and whether it is 'private property'. A short while later as I was on the other side of that gate, I wondered if he would have had a different response if I wasn't relatively clean but rather less clean on the outside and pushing a cart with all my belongings. I resist the temptation to automatically assume he would have, and for my own ego to judge him.

I am shaken from this contemplation of judgment by a - could it be - a whale? Why, yes, it is! I am brought back to my connection to nature, and my heart leaps. No one else is around to see it, and I claim the arrival of this magnificent creature in a deep, personal way. Then I suddenly miss my Beloved in a way I have never missed him before. I realize how strong the urge to connect is, and I believe all beings experience this urge. My experience with horses has allowed something to unblock in me, the unconscious wish to suppress this urge, which allows for more intimate relations with all beings. I understand it from a different vantage point now, and can accept the urge for what it is. Sharing ones self doesn't have to be wrapped up in seeking validation or expectation of any particular response in return. That is where the hurt comes in, not because of the urge to share. Animals just respond to energy without judgment. As I turn to begin my walk back, I encounter a human being gazing out at the ocean and I ask if he saw the whale...

On my walk today, I interacted with myself, other people, and nature, and I honor that they all offered wisdom for the journey in their own way.

They are all important pieces of the whole.

I am glad I didn't go back for the iPod.

Benedictions

2009-04-24T14:53:00.002-03:00

I always loved hearing 'let's close for the Benediction'. Whether I was happy because it signaled the end of the sermon, or because I found the words comforting, the idea of a 'short invocation for divine help, blessing, and guidance' is a mighty fine one...

The traditional Benediction is lovely (May the Lord bless you and keep you. May the Lord make his face shineth upon you and be gracious unto you. May the Lord lift up his countenance upon you and give you peace), but when I heard this Benediction as part of Amy Goodman's interview with Doug Peacock about the Montana grizzly bears and his special connection with Ed Abbey, I found it comforting in a more real way... a joie de vivre! way... watch it here... the whole interview is moving and fabulous, but Ed reads his Benediction around minute 45...

Benediction, by Edward Abbey

May your trails be crooked, winding, lonesome, dangerous, leading to the most amazing view

may your mountains rise into and above the clouds

may your rivers flow without end, meandering through pastoral valleys tinkling with bells

past temples and castles and poets towers into a dark, primeval forest where tigers belch and monkeys howl

through miasmal, mysterious swamps infested with crocodiles; and down from there into a desert of red rock,

blue mesas, domes, and pinnacles, and grotles of endless stone

and down, down again, into a deep, vast, ancient, unknown chasm

where bars of sunlight glaze on profiled cliffs

where deer walk across the white sand beaches,

where storms come and go as lightning clangs up above the high craigs

where something strange and more beautiful and more full of wonder

than your deepest dreams waits for you

beyond the next turning at the canyon walls.

.......

How Fascinating!

2009-04-13T13:32:00.001-03:00

The joy of living... joie de vivre "can be a joy of conversation, joy of eating, joy of anything one might do... And joie de vivre may be seen as a joy of everything, a comprehensive joy, a philosophy of life, a Weltanschauung (wide world perception). Robert's Dictionnaire says joie is sentiment exaltant ressenti par toute la conscience, that is, involves one's whole being."

Sometimes I get so tired of hearing myself say 'how inspiring', and then seemingly changing nothing in my life because I was so inspired... well, today I was reminded how sometimes the action comes when you least expect it. Inspiration works in this mysterious way. Hmmmm, who decides whether to let it out or not, and to allow the inspiration to move me into action?

Today when I did something stupid because I was all wrapped up in my pain-body (Eckhart Tolle term) and as a result had actual physical pain in my body when I tripped and fell on my ass. After a few &*#s, I remembered to stand back up and throw my hands in the air and say 'How fascinating!'... And it did help for a little while, until my ego realized how I had tricked it!

What triggered my pain-body does need to be dealt with, Ben Franklin was right on when he said 'the only things certain in life are death and taxes', and de Nile isn't just a river in Egypt, but I am so excited to have been shaken out of needing to do it all right now. Sometimes you need all your energy to just handle what you're actually doing right now so that there is the possibility of finding some joy in the moment of now.

'Nothing happens next. Everything happens now' ~ Cheri Huber

This link is still inspiring to me, it's just not easy to live this way. But God willing I'd like to keep trying to not live in downward spirals... and instead to live in a world of POSSIBILITY...

Beginnings

2009-03-26T18:03:00.000-03:00

Creativity

they say we are powerful creators

and that we create our own reality

the question on my mind this fine day in April

is whether I can form my intention

for living

around this so that I can free or enhance my

creative expression; that is

simply, but not easily, the expression of

who I am

truth is, the ability to do this comes and goes

however, what I can keep constant is

the decision to practice living that intention

in each moment

and within each moment this can be renewed

now to trust that

I am not my abilities

_________________________________________________________

Which leads me to... who am I without my story?
My story has and does continue to shape me... my work is in honoring it but not letting it

define who I am...

I enjoy contemplating this from the perspective of being just the narrator of the story of my life... anything to help me lighten up and not take it all so seriously!

possibility

Needs

Never Eat Soggy Waffles

oh twelve

hai.

(b)is-ness

perky

...the family of things

further

whereabouts unknown

voicing

little did

haiku II

playful

heightened perspective

she rocks

thirty-nine

play-in-progress

the grace of david whyte...

(gr)attitude

you can't have something...

'garden splendor'

hello, little teacher

Bobby's Day

May Two-Four

Ode to Gibby

gorillas in our midst

monkey business...

responsibili-tea...

a fine mesh...

the S word

don't just *do* something...

...and to all a good night

conviction of the heart

full moon mood

fruits o' roots

morning glories

it's alive!

d. w. t. l.

Simplici-Tea

here and now

the wall of...

2009, etc...

Happy Merry!

topaz ~ wisdom courage serenity

Nice

Instrumental

It's not about the destination

A Sweet Slice of Fall

A Delicious Revolution

In the interest of completion and a pattern shift from letting things pile up, to creating space for fresh thoughts,

Some random ideas,

Each of which for me could be explored more in depth, and may be one day, but as I understand how the weight of seeing them in my drafts folder affects me (sends a subtle 'have to' message), I release them to the universe...

If there's an original thought out there, I could use it right now. ~ Bob Dylan~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

If there's an original thought out there, I could use it right now. ~ Bob Dylan

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Nocturne ~Jennifer K Sweeney

(I donned my apron rather than painting clothes this morning...)

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If you consider the physiology similarities, fear can disguise itself as excitement.

Afterward I wondered whether this incongruency is connected with my mom's labor being induced when she gave birth to me. If so, then is my true nature somewhat of a physical thrill-seeker, just on my own terms (don't push me)? Or is it about control?

Maybe the excited feeling was real and the fearful feeling represented my conditioning in the world...

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~Rainer Maria Rilke, from Letters To a Young Poet

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"The opposite for courage is not cowardice, it is conformity. Even a dead fish can go with the flow." ~ Jim Hightower

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~ Alice Waters

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~A person was continuously sending up the prayer to win the lottery...One day the Lord finally said'I'd really like to help you, my child, but could you meet me halfway and at leastbuy a lottery ticket?'

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Home

Goodbody Every Evening

What are the benefits of general awareness?

don't just do something...

If there's an original thought out there, I could use it right now. ~ Bob Dylan
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A person was continuously sending up the prayer to win the lottery...
One day the Lord finally said
'I'd really like to help you, my child, but could you meet me halfway and at least
buy a lottery ticket?'